Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work, Driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for, In order to get to a job that you need so you can pay for the clothes, car and the house that you leave empty all day in order to afford to live in it.
– Ellen Goodman –
A creative life is an amplified life. It’s a bigger life, a happier life, an expanded life and a hell of a lot more interesting life.
– Elizabeth Gilbert –
Back to 1990s, I worked in a state-run company in Shanghai,China.
In everybody’s eyes, it was a stable, secure job as once I got the job, the company couldn’t sack me.
It was free for the hospital, and I didn’t have to worry about my future and pension for retirement.
However, I was surrounded by gossip every day.
People talked about the same topic all day long, all year long.
They cared about someone else’s personal life more than anything else.
” Have you found a boyfriend?” “When are you gonna marry? Why you don’t have a kid after marry? “, “Why you study so hard, you wanna leave the company?”
“How about your husband, your child, your mother-in-law”?
The same topic could be repeated on a regular basis, early in the morning, later in the afternoon, which freaked me out.
It was so dark, no lights ahead, for so many times I wanna resign the job, but I was not strong enough to make such a big decision.
There was nobody encouraged and supported me, not my family, not my friends, not my relatives.
I remembered one colleague told me: “You would have no future if you quit the job.”
For Aussies or younger Chinese, you might don’t have idea how hard to quite the job:as at the time, in that system, once I quit the job, I could never find another one.
It’s just like Aussies you give up Australian Citizen and go to another country, you don’t know whether people accept you or not.
No,that’s not the comfortable life, that’s no life at all.
It’s like in the jail to me.
I was in that environment for another 10 years, which caused me seriously mental illness.
I was so afraid to see people, to tell them my true feeling.
One day, my inner heart called me strongly: you must leave, there’s such a wonderful world outside.
Suddenly, I’ve got inspired, yes, I had to stand up, stand up and get out of the darkness.
I told my dad and my husband, and they said: “Ok, it’s up to you.”
I was a lucky one as I got financially support from my Dad.
That’s how I started my new life.
We can call it a creative life- a path of brave, which is full of uncertainty and fear.
I started self-taught English as I had a dream going overseas.
I’ve got no clue whether I could pass English and get a diploma.
Whether my visa could be granted for being an overseas student in my 30s?
Whether I could find a job later on, If not,what could I do in my life?
I had so much worries and fear.
But who cares, I was doing something I love with my passion.
I could not afford time thinking too much, the only thing I could do was push myself really hard- please do not waste one minute.
My life was peaceful and quiet, nobody could tell me what I should do or not.
I was the master of my life.
Everyday I was full of energy, passionate about the things what I did.
I was so alive, fulfilled and then good luck flooded onto me.
I had met and communicated with nice and interesting friends from all over the world.
I had learnt different cultures, I had experienced life what I dreamed.
I’ve got everything I wanted, even a permanent residency in Australia and an accounting job in the office.
My first dream has been realized; I’ve got nothing to worry about.
Then I was back to normal life again, 8 hours a day and 5 days a week work in the office.
I joined all the activities in my free time whatever I enjoyed, making friends, gym ,dancing, swimming, running, travelling etc.
But I still couldn’t get back the feeling of fulfilment, what’s wrong with me?
No one could give me the answer, I was depressed again, was that the dream I pursued?
Why I’ve got exactly the same feeling as I was in China—being bored.
Last year, at lunch break, I came across one article regarding your dream, which completely woke me up.
After that, I did a research of my soul about that missing part.
I found I have left reading and writing behind since I immigrated to Australia.
But I have never thought I had talent in writing though I admire those writers very much for their impressive stories.
Actually,I have never written one article in my life except the ones for examination.
But from my inner heart, I really wanna share my stories with people.
Just followed my heart, I started writing English blogs, where I’ve got lots of encouragement from some really nice online friends.
Again,I’ve got a very strong feeling that I should open up a wechat subscription No. of my own.
I was worried about nobody would like join me, nobody was really interested in what I was talking about my way of living.
I was afraid of losing my self-confidence by nobody paying attention to what I’ve written, how embarrassing!!!
I worried so much about what other people’s thinking towards my writing expect ignored the real feeling of myself—I enjoyed reading and writing so much, I must start it ,must do it.
That’s how I started Englishpassion.
I am now living between a normal life and a creative life—doing a full time accounting job in an Aussie run company while pursuing my dream-writing.
I have never been feeling so good for having a creative life again after work.
It’s a new me now, active and energetic, I am alive again.
Everyone,you can also pursue a creative life both part time or full time, but it needs courage to stand up and doing what you truly love which makes your heart singing.
That’s I loved what Elizabeth Gilbert said: If you can’t learn to travel comfortably alongside your fear,then you’ll never be able to go anywhere interesting or do anything interesting.
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